Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Sweet Surrender

There are so many things I feel right now - so many thoughts I have - so much I want to do - so much I can clearly see - and so much I simply do not understand. I am full of words and at a loss for words. How does this happen?

My heart is hurting for my dad right now. He went to the doctor on Monday. They told him that his body is responding well to the chemo. They also told him that they are not going to start radiation right now. They will continue chemo for the cancer on his liver. It is in his bloodstream and has already spread to his lungs. What does a daughter say about this? How do I respond? My mind immediately recalls a time when I was standing in Miracle Baptist Church as the music minister lead us in a song. The song... It Is Well With My Soul. Who am I to question the One who made time? 
My heart still hurts even though I trust in the Lord. My love for my dad is stronger now than ever before. I am so thankful for the countless memories I have with him. I am so thankful God is giving me the time I have with him now. I wish I could take his pain and carry it myself but I can not. 
I wish I could carry the pain that my mom has. I can't do that either. I only know the One who can. You guys can pray for my mom and my dad right now. I have never seen a woman love a man the way my momma loves my daddy. For those who don't know their love story... they got married 45 years ago when my mom was only 14. That is crazy huh!? They have been a great example of love and patience to me throughout my 33 1/2 years. I am thankful they didn't give up on each other when they didn't get their own way.

BSMC - This is such a tender spot right now. I met with Don last week. He told me the board thought it would be best if I went ahead and left BSMC. Their reasoning was so that Cathy and Kaye could begin to take on the leadership role there. It was a relief and a burden at the same time. I never intended on leaving the staff there unprepared. Jesse and I also counted on being there through Feb 15th financially. I know that God will provide for us but I feel like I have dumped a heavy load on the staff at BSMC. I also miss the volunteers and Pastors. I wish things were a little different but they are not so I shall run with the goal in my focus. 
 I do know that we have done the right thing. I feel like I have served BSMC well. I have done what God has called me to do there. I have obeyed when He said leave...even though it has been difficult.

On another note - this morning I got to sleep in with Abram. We played peek a book in the big bed. I love these moments. Tonight he took a nap and when Jesse woke him up and brought him into the kitchen to see what mommy was doing he grabbed my neck and hugged me. I love these moments! We got our Christmas tree tonight. Yes! Abram's first tree. He could care less. I bet he will like it more when there are lots of fragile ornaments on it tomorrow night. I wonder what my parents did on my first Christmas. I  never thought of that before now. I can not wait to wake up with him and Jesse this Christmas! How exciting is that!!!

Shoppe 3130 won the Christmas Window Display (people's choice) award. That is pretty cool. I love being able to create and design. I made a tie skirt and put it in the window. I have three orders for skirts now.

A while back, over 10 years ago... I prayed that God would let me serve in ministry full time... eventually He did. I prayed that my family would come to know Him... many have. I prayed that God would give me Jesse as a husband... He did. I prayed that my relationship with my in laws would be amazing... it is. I prayed that God would let me speak to women about Him, He did. I prayed God would let me travel and share what He has done for me, again, He did. I prayed that one day God would let me have a store, He did (and one with purpose!) I have prayed that God would let me design clothing or something like that... is this what He is doing now? I don't really know but I know that I am so excited and so thankful that His hand is forever on my life.

I could go on and on and on. So much for a speechless girl, huh!? Thank you for being a part of our life. We love you so much and are glad you choose to share life with us.

God is so great to us. We are so thankful for Him and for how He loves us and provides for us.

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